From healthier-looking skin to increased mental stability, here are the health benefits of sobriety.

Robert Downey Jr. accepted the American Cinematheque award over the weekend, he chose his friend Mel Gibson to present the honor. 

“When people get sober they sleep better, have more energy, and can think more clearly,” says Dr. Dr. Brian Wind, Ph.D “Best of all, sober people aren’t damaging nearly every part of their bodies on a daily basis and aren’t waking up with hangovers or withdrawals.”

Sobriety isn’t and won’t be easy. Some benefits will be noticeable immediately, while others take time. If you have a substance abuse problem you may initially go through physical symptoms of withdrawal, but the benefits of sobriety certainly outweigh any potentially negative effects of withdrawal.

Physical benefits

• Increased general health
• Improved mental clarity (focus, critical thinking, memory)
• Longer and deeper sleep
• Increased energy
• Healthier skin and complexion
• Decreased risk of long-term health issues including cancer
• Better weight management and eating habits

“The before and after photos depicting recovery from substance use are very compelling,” says Dr. Lori Ryland”As substance use reduces, you begin taking better care of yourself by eating healthy instead of using, better activity, and often better healthcare adherence in comparison to periods of use.”

While sobriety will have a positive effect on your physical well-being, the benefits are equally as important to your emotional state. Emotional stability—which affects everything from your relationships, motivation, and general mood—will vastly improve.

“In general, an individual is significantly more emotionally stable and balanced when sober than during an active addiction,” says Dr. Dean Drosnes,

Emotional benefits

• Increased confidence
• Emotional stability
• Better overall well-being
• Improved relationships
• More motivation
• Depression relief
• Anxiety relief

the benefits of sobriety are manifested in several ways, including: mental(1) and physical health(2), markedly improved relationships with friends and family(3), as well as in your finances and career(4, 5).

Even if you are not experiencing these negative outcomes, heavy drinking can be detrimental both short and long-term. Getting sober may help to reverse or even eliminate the negative impact that alcohol may have on your mental and physical health, personal relationships, as well as your career or financial situation.

The Benefits of Being Sober

Physical Health

Heavy alcohol use has been linked with a vast amount of negative outcomes, including(6):

• Alcoholic cirrhosis of the liver
• Alcohol induced acute/chronic pancreatitis
• Alcoholic myophathy and cardiomyophathy
• Increased rates of certain cancers like breast, stomach, oral, and colon
• Degeneration of the nervous system (decreased ability to fight infection)

Chronic alcohol use has also been attributed to erectile dysfunction as well as other sexual dysfunctions(7). Sexual dysfunction was significantly associated with duration and severity of alcohol dependence as well as the amount of alcohol consumed per day.

Upon stopping the intake of alcohol, these physical consequences may subside. However, when a heavy drinker stops they may experience(8):

• Weight loss
• Improved pancreatic function
• Reduced risk of cancer
• Lower blood pressure

Mental Health

Heavy alcohol consumption has been associated with negative impacts on mental health. This is primarily due to blocking chemical signals between brain cells (neurons)(9). For instance, alcohol consumption results in slurred speech, slowed reflexes, poor memory, and impulsive behavior.

Due to heavy alcohol consumption the brain can adapt to these blocked pathways. When alcohol leaves the system it will continue to over-activate neurotransmitters that can result in damage to brain cells(10, 11, 12).

Alcohol use can also negatively impact sleep patterns. Similar to other sleep medications, the sedative or sleep inducing effects of alcohol are quickly adapted to which only leads to further sleep related problems.

Wile it can be hard to say whether alcohol plays a significant role in mental health issues such as anxiety, psychosis, or depression. Through the transitive property, we know that if these issues subside when the person stops drinking, it’s logical to assume alcohol aggravates those conditions.

Relationships with Family and Friends

Alcoholism typically has a negative impact on personal relationships with friends and family.

Studies show that higher partner violence is associated with heavy alcohol consumption. Abstaining from alcohol has the opposite effect and may result in less conflicts and domestic violence.

Alcohol can also affect a person’s attachment to others (partner, spouse, children, friends, and family). People who have attachment issues typically are less trusting, show signs of fear, and will isolate and detach themselves.

Career and Financial Situation

Most people who drink alcohol do not think about the impact of alcohol on their financial well-being. People who abuse alcohol are more likely to miss work and have conflict amongst co-workers and management.

Going to and from work may end up resulting in a DUI only adding more financial burden (bail, court fines, attorney, public transportation cost, etc).

Final Thoughts

Apart from the purported “holistic” benefits of being sober, there are fact-based reasons for why sobriety is beneficial. Including for your mental and physical health, personal relationships, and for your career/financial situation.

1. Your life becomes less chaotic You don’t have to live in constant turmoil anymore because you’re not worried about getting money, getting drugs or alcohol, and then lying or manipulating to cover up your behaviors. You finally get a chance to sit still and relax.
2. You sleep better When you suffer from Alcohol abuse is disruptive to sleeping patterns because it suppresses sleep, not permitting a restorative, good nights rest. Though you may have trouble falling asleep when you first get sober, you will soon sleep peacefully through the night and feel more rested the next day.
3. You feel healthier Substance abuse has profound effects on the body. In sobriety, you aren’t putting toxic chemicals in your body, so you will actually have more energy and feel more alert and focused! Not to mention the fact that your internal organs get to take a break from working overtime to process the drugs and alcohol. More Energy, Alcohol is a depressant, which makes you feel tired and slow. Without the constant effect of alcohol on your body, you have a lot more energy to work with. This energy can lead to healthier choices.
4. You look better Do you have sunken in cheeks, red patches, or bad acne? Good news – in sobriety, your skin actually improves! Without nasty, toxic chemicals in your body, your complexion will improve tremendously and you will gain weight back to your face, making you look beautiful and healthy again!  Better Skin, When it comes to improving physical health, better skin is one of the most noticeable changes in most people. People in recovery have a more radiant complexion than before. Their skin becomes clearer — and, in many cases, cleaner due to improved hygiene. Within the first six months of sobriety, most people undergo observable and positive changes in their skin.
5. Your memory improves We all have nights we don’t remember while in addiction, but shortly after detox, your memory will rapidly begin to improve. No more worrying about what you did last night – your memory will become sharp and as good as new!
6. Your mental health improves (no more brain fog) Sleep, diet, and overall health are directly correlated with the status of your mental health. As your lifestyle improves, you will find your emotions more stable and manageable. You will find yourself having less mood swings along with increased happiness. Alcohol is incredibly inflammatory. The long and short-term impact of alcohol on your brain is extensive. I won’t go into detail here because I’ve written about it before, but if you can’t engage intellectually with the world like you used to, you’re forgetting more things or struggling to focus, there is good news for you, my friend! Your brain can heal. You can get your mental faculties back! This one happened for me relatively early on, and that’s WITH pregnancy brain. It is an incredible feeling to have that fog lift. You quite literally feel like a brand new person. The ability to think, read a book, engage in an intelligent conversation, actually have IDEAS again, and not just loop terrible thoughts on autopilot in your brain is liberating. It’s one of the best benefits of sobriety I’ve experienced.
7. You worry less When you are sober and doing the right thing, the worry of getting in trouble with others or getting caught by the cops disappears. You’re sober, you have a job, you are being honest with others, you have a roof over your head, you aren’t worried about going into withdrawals – what’s there to worry about anymore?
8. You actually have money When you aren’t spending every penny earned on drugs or alcohol, you will be surprised how quickly your savings adds up! It is a wonderful feeling not to worry about living paycheck to paycheck and being able to have savings for emergencies.
9. You get to be a part of your family Regardless of the harms you have done, your family loves you and will forgive you in time. It is a great feeling to be with family on holidays and special occasions without causing them to worry about your drug or alcohol use. They will be able to rely on you and trust you, and since you have money, you can even buy them gifts for their birthdays!
10. You form deep connections with others Friendships made in sobriety are like no other. These friends understand exactly what you are going through because they have been there too. They will love and support you unconditionally. There is something about friendships in recovery that is magical.
11. You gain long term rewards Hard work pays off. If you put in the work to be sober and happy, you will be sober and happy. You will be able to go to class and study for school in order to further your education. You will be capable of holding a job, allowing you to move up in your career. You will develop a profound appreciation for people, places, and things.
12. You get to embark on new adventures You have the ability to try new things, travel to new places, and develop a passion for life after addiction. Since you will no longer rely on substances to survive each day, you will finally have the opportunity to thrive in life. There is nothing holding you back. Go climb that mountain, go snorkeling at a coral reef, go visit a foreign country! What are you waiting for?
13. You grow spiritually Spiritual growth consists of removing obsolete or negative habits and thoughts from your life. Mindful meditation is a great way to grow spiritually because it relaxes your mind and aids in coping with feelings of anxiety and stress. It is a free, easy to do activity that promotes healing and spiritual growth by connecting your mind, body, and spirit. Sobriety brings so much peace into your life. It allows you to become more aware and present. You understand and connect with yourself better. When you’re sober, the entirety of who you are improves. Happiness is easy to come by when you’re doing good for yourself, looking better, feeling better, and functioning on a higher physical level.
14. You find your purpose in life There is somebody out there who is hopeless and feels like they cannot stay sober. You may not know it at the time, but your story is the only story they will hear. Your experience, strength, and hope, is going to help somebody stay sober. You have the ability to change lives.
15. You learn to love yourself By staying healthy, having new experiences, building relationships, and helping others, you will begin to truly love yourself. You will treat your body and mind with a gentle respect, as you have been blessed with a new, sober life. For many of us, we have spent too much time hating ourselves. Being able to love who we are, for all of our imperfections, is nothing short of a miraculous gift in sobriety.
16. Less Stress People who abuse alcohol get to a point in their drinking where they cannot manage any emotion in a healthy way. Drinking is the solution to boredom, frustration, sadness, and extreme happiness. Additionally, research has shown that drinking any amount of alcohol chronically (including one drink per day) changes your Hypothalamic-Pituitary-Adrenal axis (HPA), which Maintains your physiological balance between what you do and don’t perceive as stressful. This leads to more cortisol released at baseline when you’re not drinking. Translation: alcohol increases your anxiety and stress levels even when not drinking. It was a horrible cycle of self-medicating my anxiety with alcohol which, in turn, only made my anxiety levels worse. I was stressed out all of the time and had no healthy coping mechanisms for that stress. Sobriety changed that. As a fair warning, sometimes alcohol withdrawal can have the opposite effect and make anxiety significantly worse, but it is temporary. It goes away, and you feel much more stable and clear-headed after the initial withdrawal period.
17. Less Physical Pain Alcohol is incredibly inflammatory. it causes joint problems eventually speeding up arthritis and generally causing more pain in the joints.  It wreaks havoc with your gastrointestinal system and digestive system.  It will destroy your liver, heart, kidneys and pancreas! It will cause your blood pressure to be high and rapid pulse can develop. PERMANENT HEART DAMAGE CAN OCCUR.
18. Self Esteem will rise overtime  When you finally get over those first months of early sobriety, you’ll see that you’re not so bad after all. People who are successful with their sobriety find ways to keep themselves busy. It’s through that process that many people start to forgive themselves and see the value they can bring to the world. Every day you go without drinking boosts your self-esteem, even if you don’t notice. When you choose to go to the gym or take a cooking class, you’re signaling that you are open to seeing what else this life has to offer. The cumulative effects of all these new experiences and choices add up.
19. Healthier realationships A lot of people feel lonely when they give up alcohol. When your entire social life has revolved around getting wasted, it’s normal to feel like there’s nothing to do. Re-evaluating your relationships with other people is part of the process. We all have to go through it, but the AMAZING thing is that you’ll end up with really powerful connections with the people you choose to keep around. You might think that emotionally unloading with your friends over wine and cookies makes you close or that your buddy holding your hair while you puked means something.
20. Better Sleep Pattern Sobriety is your body at its most natural state, so when you’re sober, your body goes back into a more regular rhythm. Instead of drinking until the early morning hours, you now give yourself a chance to rest earlier and get quality sleep. The peace of mind that sobriety comes with also makes you less stressed and more able to get enough restful sleep at normal hours.
21. Better Eating habbits Some people in recovery consider getting over addiction as their first step to living a much healthier lifestyle. Post-treatment, you may develop a consistent exercise routine to get your mind off drinking. Following a healthy diet is similar to this. They’re both excellent ways to improve your health and also things you can focus on to fill in the gaps left by addiction in your life. When you stop drinking, your body also becomes much less dehydrated. This lessens the chances of developing unhealthy food cravings. While eating healthier can help you stay sober, it’s also true that staying sober can help you eat healthier. For example, you can eat healthier because you have the energy to cook dishes instead of ordering fast food.source source source source

The Health Benefits of Being Sober

The Importance of Being Trustworthy

Why Is Hope Important In Life? You Will Be Amazed!

The Freedom of Forgiveness

Why Is Faith Important in Recovery?

Good Character is Important – Sometimes True Character is the Last Thing Seen… PZ!

Trustworthiness, both on one’s own part as well as on the part of others around him, allows an individual to have an ordered and low-risk life.  Trust itself is a main and vital building block in human relationships, and one can easily see how a lack of trust can lead to a complete destruction of any and all relationships.  An individual who is untrustworthy is usually considered worthless, and often finds that he has no true friends.  Conversely, an individual who is trustworthy is often considered highly valuable, and will usually be fiercely supported and protected by others around him.

The simplest way an individual can prove their trustworthiness is by keeping their word to others once it is given.  An individual’s word acts a sort of promise that one will or will not do something, and one must always keep these promises in order to build trust with others.  After all, many people will openly admit that their opinion of another individual is largely based on whether or not that individual is able to keep his word.  Even a child’s opinion of his parents can drop considerably if his parents consistently break their promises to him, which can create a conflict of emotion regarding the child’s love of his parents and wariness of their words and actions.

Some individuals never give an untrustworthy person a second chance.  This individual can slowly find himself tangled up in a trap of his own making when he is asked to further guarantee or prove his intentions in order to remain in any sort of relations with others.  He is essentially exiling himself from others, and can find that it is quite difficult to recover his footing once it has been lost due to a lack of trustworthiness.

BUILDING A STRONGER LIFE

No matter how skilled, independent and determined an individual may be, the simple fact is that he cannot survive well on his own.  In all of his interactions with others, an individual needs to be able to understand some basic things, otherwise he may constantly be walking on eggshells, wondering about what’s happening or what may happen.  He must rely upon, trust and have confidence in others around him, which means that he must also be reliable and trustworthy in turn.  Only then can he build the deep, meaningful relationships that will essentially support him through life’s more challenging and difficult moments.

The Importance of Trustworthiness

“You may be deceived if you trust too much, but you will live in tournament if you don’t trust enough.” — Frank Cane

 

Trustworthiness is one of the key components in making connections and building relationships. I grew up understanding that trusting your elders and superiors were signs of respect and manners. We are taught that trust must be earned. Trust is not “wanted” but “needed” to interact in the workplace and in our personal lives. But are we truly being trusted? Bottom line, in personal or in business, trust is applicable in all aspects of our lives.

Fast forwarding back to when we were kids, imagine a son and mother were crossing the street:

The mother said to the kid, “Please hold my hand so we can cross the street.”

The boy responds, “No, I want you to grab my hand.”

The mother responds, “What’s the difference son?”

The boy insisted, “Mom there is a very big difference; if I give you my hand, I don’t know if you are going to hold on to me, but if you grab my hand first, I know I will be safe.”

The meaning behind this story expresses the confidence of the little boy when his mother grabs his hand. The boy establishes confidence when she grabs his hand because she has all the control to get to the other side safe. Usually when making the first move the other person feels comfortable and tends to open-up.

For instance, when two people are attracted to each other, how do they break barriers? Usually the person who leans in for the first kiss automatically sparks a trustworthiness sense that enables the other person to kiss them back. Sometimes making the first move and delivering with no expectations will allow you to build a significant relationship with another person. In some cases, delivering a favor or a simple gesture may result in you receiving a positive response. In other cases, you may also get taken advantage of, if you are over-delivering.

It isn’t any different in the workplace. You automatically are assigned people you need to work with. When you earn the trust of one person you need to take ownership. It is important to understand that in most cases to build trust, you need to hold them from the hand. You need to show them and tell them that you are there to support them. A simple “I got you” can make a difference, but those three words are insignificant if you do not deliver anything to them. It is critical to interact with others in order to build trustworthiness. In the corporate world over-promising and under delivering is how you become known to be untrustworthy. If you are stuck in a situation where you are unsure of anything it is better to respond with a phrase such as, “that is a good question let me find out and get back to you.” Or “I do not know the answer to your question but let me ask my supervisor and get back to you.” When you admit you don’t know something others will appreciate your honesty. Also making the effort to find the answer will make you trustworthy when delivering answers to them.

In the workplace being trustworthy means, you can be counted on to get the work done. Even if it consists of you doing extra research or giving someone else credit for an idea that is not yours. Think about when you travel, and you get on an airplane. You trust the pilot will get you from point A to point B safely. I will never forget my first time flying as a pilot student with no flying experience. It was an incredible experience that inspired me to pursue my pilot license. However, the terrifying thought that if something happened to the instructor and I would have no idea how to land the airplane was about to stop me from pursuing this dream. In certain situations, we need courage to trust those around us to actively pursue our dreams and desires.

If we don’t trust the people around us; we would not be able to pursue our goals and dreams. All humans need the ability to trust in others in order to succeed in life.

Throughout my life and career, I have encountered people from all diverse cultures and backgrounds discovering the advantages of trustworthiness. Here are some tips to remember:

1. Give it your best without expecting anything back in return: Sometimes in our personal life we have trouble trusting people we just met. You will encounter situations where delivering with no expectations is the first step in building a trustworthy relationship.
2. Interact and communicate: Ongoing non-verbal or verbal cues will allow you to provide and receive feedback that will enable you to decide if someone is trustworthy.
3. Do not underdeliver and over promise: To be successful in the workplace taking the time to research and find the answers will make you a reliable. It can also lead to opportunities to take on higher tasks.
4. Give credit for work that is not yours: By acknowledging the work of others you built a sense of credibility, encouraging your contributions and others to want to work with you more frequently.

Overall trustworthiness is a key component that is needed in our daily lives in order to be successful. It becomes an instinct in some cases such as riding in a taxi or flying in a plane. In other cases, it takes courage and integrity to trust those around us with no expectations and simply doing the right thing. I challenge you to give it a try and have a little faith! If you don’t try then you are not living live to the maximum.

Benefits of Being a Trustworthy Leader

These are what you get by doing what’s right and acting with integrity.

WHY TRUSTWORTHINESS IS A VITAL LEADERSHIP HABIT

“The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him.”

Henry L Stimson

The Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines trustworthiness as being worthy of confidence, and being dependable. It can also be described as being reliable, responsible, safe, secure, and steady.

Trustworthiness is one of the most important qualities in life. It is the quality on which all relationships are built. We are designed to be in relationship with others, and being able to TRUST each other means that we can do more together.

HOW CAN WE BE PEOPLE WHO ARE TRUSTWORTHY?

1. BE HONEST

Telling the truth is HARD. It can feel awkward, or embarrassing. Emotions can run high when your truthfulness is in question. But strong character develops in an environment when it’s safe to be honest. One of the ways to care about others, is to be honest with them. And one of the ways to show that you are a leader, is to always tell the truth, no matter how difficult it might be.

2. PLAY BY THE RULES

When we are in school, or playing sports, or even spending time with our families, there are rules and guidelines. These are in place to give structure to how we behave, how we interact with each other, and we treat one another. You might have a rule at home that you only speak in a calm voice…the rule isn’t there to control you, it’s there to help you care about other people. When you are trustworthy, and play by the rules, you show others that you are dependable.

3. HAVE THE COURAGE TO DO THE RIGHT THING

Leadership is about making choices. We make choices everyday about how we act, about how we treat each other, about the things we say, and about how we respond. Being courageous to do the right thing, even when it would be easier to do the wrong thing, or to even do NOTHING, is evidence of a good leader. How can you demonstrate courage?

4. BUILD A GOOD REPUTATION

If being trustworthy means being worthy of the confidence of others, then we do well to build up our reputation as someone who can be counted on. When other people know that you always tell the truth, that you are someone who plays by the rules, and that you are brave enough to do the right thing, then other people will put their trust in you. They will give you more responsibility, and they will begin to count on you.

Leaders are people who are trustworthy. They do what they say they will do, they care for others in word and in what you do. Trustworthy people are people you can put your confidence in. At Moorelands Kids’ programs we teach kids the importance of trustworthiness as we know it’s a key to success. source source source source

The Health Benefits of Being Sober

The Importance of Being Trustworthy

Why Is Hope Important In Life? You Will Be Amazed!

The Freedom of Forgiveness

Why Is Faith Important in Recovery?

Why hope is important in life

Researchers and philosophers often debate whether it is better to be realistic, optimistic, or pessimistic. After all, all those traits have pros and cons. But we do know for certain that hope is excellent for our health and happiness.

Indeed, hope is considered one of the essential qualities in life. Other essential qualities include:

•  Compassion
• Courage
• Forgiveness

Positive characteristics like these are good for our health. For instance, consider these benefits of being hopeful:

• Helps support mental strength and happiness
• Make you wake up feeling positive.
• Helps you control your emotions
• Improves general health
• Reduces stress
• Reduces joint pain (pessimism causes stress which makes us hold the body in ways that produce pressure, worsening joint pain)
• Improves respiration
• Is essential for self-worth
• Reduces anxiety
• Improves social relationships
• Motivates positive action that leads to real-life success.
• Helps strengthen the immune system [Donna Lou Udelman PhD, FPM, FOA from the journal Stress & Health]
• Improves social relationships (you’ll make more friends as an optimist according to Snyder, C. R., Harris, C., Anderson, J. R., & Holleran, S. A. (1991) in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology)
• Makes you happy
• Broadens and builds your mind
• Leads to courage, confidence, and self-efficacy.

Of course, one of the main reasons why hope is important is that life will kick you in the butt if you let it.

We all face setbacks. We all wonder at times whether we will survive. And sadly, most of us know what it’s like to feel like you’re right on the brink of disaster. If you are negative at these difficult times, you will face stress, anxiety, and other mental health conditions.

Research proves how important hope is in life.

In one study, researchers studied the effect of hope on college students. Results showed that a hopeful mindset leads to better grades. [Matthew W Gallagher, University of Houston, Journal of Happiness Studies 2017].

Students with elevated levels of optimism are more likely to succeed at school, more likely to have high-quality friendships, and less likely to suffer anxiety and depression. Why?

When you are optimistic you are more willing to work hard to create success. Optimistic students study harder because they believe they can succeed. And because of this, they achieve higher results than students with low levels of hope.

Hope is the motivating factor.

When you do not believe your work will pay off (when you’re hopeless) you quite logically won’t try very hard.

Imagine going to the gym every day genuinely thinking that you will never be fit. What a downer. Now imagine being optimistic that you will end up looking and feeling amazing. That positivity would make you genuinely want to workout harder, and as a result, you will be more likely to succeed in your goal.

The opposite of hope is hopelessness. And this is a serious threat to health and happiness. I learned this for myself during a hard time of my life.

For six months, my life felt hopeless

I was living in Canada, thousands of miles away from home with no family and very few friends. I went through a break-up. It rocked me to the core. I was incredibly pessimistic at the time. Homeless, I thought it was the end. And because I was so pessimistic, I suffered emotional trauma. I went through depression.

That time cost me a lot, in terms of my health. I suffered a severe stress reaction, had chronic eczema (caused by stress), and spent most of my time thinking all manner of terrible thoughts.

It could have been avoided. I could have chosen to have faith and to be positive, to believe that everything would come right in the end and that I would land back on my feet, which I eventually did.

Had I been optimistic I would have saved myself a great deal of mental suffering.

Maybe you’ve been through a similar time of hopelessness. And if so, I’m sure it affected you greatly.

Hope is a safeguard.

Winston Churchill said, “When you’re going through hell, keep going”. Hope gives you the strength to keep going.

Hope Equals Motivation

The most hopeful people in the world are also some of the most motivated.

If you were completely hopeless, you wouldn’t bother to even attempt to do anything positive because… well, you’ll fail, right? So why would you even bother? Without hope, it all seems so utterly pointless.

Hope gives you motivation. It’s the voice inside that says, “Yes, you can.” It’s that voice that makes you work hard, that makes you learn new things, and gives you the impetus to try.

In Hope Theory, which is a psychological theory of hope, it’s believed that when we are optimistic we are given the motivation to make positive choices and to take positive actions that will move us along the path to success. A lot of research backs this claim. But forget the science. We can all feel, inside, what it is like to be hopeful and why it is so important to have hope in life.

How Hopeful Are You? Complete “The Hope Scale”

Psychologist Charles R. Snyder devised a way to measure how much hope someone has. He called it the Hope Scale.

Take the test below to discover your own rating:

(Text version of test)

Answer these questions from 1 to 8. 1 is for “absolutely false”. 8 is for “absolutely true”.

1. I can think of many ways to get out of a jam.

___ 2. I energetically pursue my goals.

___ 3. I feel tired most of the time.

___ 4. There are lots of ways around any problem.

___ 5. I am easily downed in an argument.

___ 6. I can think of many ways to get the things in life that are important to me.

___ 7. I worry about my health.

___ 8. Even when others get discouraged, I know I can find a way to solve the problem.

___ 9. My past experiences have prepared me well for my future.

___10. I’ve been pretty successful in life.

___11. I usually find myself worrying about something.

___12. I meet the goals that I set for myself.

Scoring:

• Add-up your scores for questions 1,2,3, 4, 5, 6, 8, 9, 10, and 12.
• Subtract your responses to questions 7 and 11
• Total is out of 80. 0 = Totally without hope. 80 = Very hopeful
• Items 2, 9, 10, and 12 make up the agency subscale.  These are about believing in where you’ve been and where you’re going.
• Items 1, 4, 6, and 8 make up the pathway subscale. These questions are about being able to see ways to succeed and ways to avoid failure.

Are you hopeful

This test will tell you how hopeful you are, but it will also tell you where you need improvement.

For instance, lots of people meet the goals that they set themselves (question 12) but don’t energetically pursue their goals. If this is you, it could be a sign that you are not setting high enough goals (because you’re achieving your goals without the need to pursue them energetically).

Or you might find that you worry about your health, and other general worries and you don’t believe you are well prepared for the future. This is a classic sign of pessimism, so you might like to take some progressive steps to be more hopeful and less pessimistic.

How important is hope in life compared to other mental traits?

Okay. So, we know that hope is important in life. But is it as important as other mental traits? For instance, spirituality. Is hope more or less important than spirituality? What about sense of humor? That’s important too. Perseverance is critical. And Fairness. I could go on.

How does hope compare to these other mental traits?

We know that hope is more important than self-efficacy (your belief in your ability). We know that because psychologists Philip R. Magaletta and J.M. Oliver measured the effects of both and compared them.

But it might not be as crucial as some other character strengths.

One study shows that when it comes to well-being, gratitude and love of learning are the most important personality traits. In another study, it was determined that to be in the military the most important character qualities are Leadership, Teamwork, and Open-Mindedness.

Nevertheless, hope is important in life, so how can you become more hopeful?

How to be more hopeful in life

Be Mindful of your Expectations 

Whether you are an optimist or a devout pessimist, you will have certain expectations of the future. To begin developing hope, become aware of the fact that you choose the way you view the future. You can look on the bright side or the dark side. You can choose to be positive. Find the opportunities where you can turn pessimism into optimism. 

Challenge Pessimism 

Pessimists tend to think that looking on the negative side of things is being “realistic.” Somehow, it seems more realistic that things will turn out bad, but in reality, there’s no more self-deception in looking on the bright side than the dark side.

Think of something you feel pessimistic about. Whatever it is, you will know specific facts about it and have some uncertainties. Now consider how you are using those facts and uncertainties to falsely create a negative perspective How could you create a positive perspective instead?

Understand what causes pessimism

There are reasons for pessimism. More often than not, it’s because you are afraid to look positively at something and end up being hurt.

To counteract this, tell yourself that even if you do end up disappointed you will then turn that disappointment into a positive.

To illustrate this: imagine you’re awaiting your university exam results. You know you could pass, you know you could fail, but you’re going to choose to believe that you’ve failed simply to save yourself from disappointment (this is the pessimistic outlook).

You can, however, look optimistically and still avoid disappointment.

To do so, realise that you’ll likely pass the exam (optimism) but that even if you don’t you will turn failure into a positive, for instance by learning lessons from the experience that strengthen your character and set you up for future success (optimism that safeguards you from disappointment).

Seek awe and inspiration

Psychologist Dacher Keltner, PhD., states that being inspired and feeling awe can help produce positive emotions including hope. For instance, if you gaze up at the stars, or sit by the ocean, you can feel that sense of awe, and that can lead to hope.

Conclusion

Hope is incredibly important in life for health, happiness, and success. Research shows that optimistic people are more likely to live fulfilling lives and to enjoy life. Plus, by relieving stress, hope helps to reduce the risk of many of the leading causes of death (high blood pressure, heart attack etc.). source

Reasons why Hope is Beneficial and Important for us

1. Protects us from Big Disasters

Whenever something or negative happens in our lives our brain immediately thinks about the worst-case scenario. Meanwhile, hope is the only thing that keeps us on track and stops the flow of negative emotions. Hope is the only phenomenon that turns a negative situation into a positive one.

2. Sets Opportunities for Growth

We all know that life is all about ups and downs, its all hope that keeps us in the game. Additionally, it provides us motivation to learn from the falls and never give up.

3. Reduces Fear

Hope reduces fear and provides strength in return has been already proved in various studies. Means whenever you feel fear, hope that everything is going to be okay and you are going to make it.

4. Helps You to Achieve Goals

When you aim for your goals, you hope that one day you are going to achieve your goals and you start working on it. Only hope helps you to reach the goal. Hope provides you the strength to reach.

5. Fosters the Beliefs

Hope is the only thing which lets you live life on your terms and always helps you to achieve more and more. Hopes are somewhere related beliefs, like when you believe in something, it changes into hope after some period.

6. There is life when there is hope

To be honest, the phrase is so apt, “there is life when there is hope.” When there is no hope we become breathing humans but when we have hope we start living and enjoying life. See the difference and bring hope into your life. Hope can come in any form of energy, all you need to do is explore.

7. We Shut Down, Without Hope

As I said, without any hope we are just breathing humans, after sometime positive energy part ways from our body and eventually shut down. That is why having hope is really necessary. Do not have big hopes, simply pray for peace and happiness.

8. Powerful therapy

Providing hope (happiness and peace) is known to be the most powerful therapy because it fills joy, happiness, and inner peace in a breathing human body. Hope therapy provides reason to be alive again and live life to the fullest.

9. Maintains a Sense of Humor

I think maintaining a sense of humor is the best benefit of hope. A sense of humor keeps you up in the race and provides you the strength to never give up. Additionally, with a great sense of humor, we can achieve a lot, all we have become is vocal.

10. Brings Success

When you have hope and a great sense of humor, success happily comes in your life. Have hope with your life, but I repeat never have big hope; always pray for happiness and peace. You never know what life has planned for you, that is why always hope for happiness and peace. Rest will fall into order, have faith.

11. Helps to Maintain Social Relationships

Hope for life keeps intact and also maintains social relationships. One reason to have hope in life is the maintenance of social and personal relationships. Remember, there is life when there is hope. source

The Health Benefits of Being Sober

The Importance of Being Trustworthy

Why Is Hope Important In Life? You Will Be Amazed!

The Freedom of Forgiveness

Why Is Faith Important in Recovery?

The Advantages of Prayer for Addiction Recovery

Many people underestimate the effects of prayer in our lives, but for someone in recovery from a substance abuse problem, praying can come with several added benefits. At Faith in Recovery, we are looking at the power of Christian prayer for recovery to help you through the good times and the bad.

At Faith in Recovery, we understand that reading scripture and prayer can help people recovering from substance abuse heal from the inside out. A person’s spiritual state should never be neglected in sobriety.

The Benefits of Prayer for Drug Addiction

A.W. Tozer famously said, “What comes to your mind when you think about God is the most important thing about you.” If you see God as slow to anger and abounding in loving-kindness (Exodus 34:6), then you’re more likely to find comfort in prayer for addiction recovery.

While many people underestimate the effects of prayer in our lives, praying can come with several added benefits for someone recovering from a substance use problem. At our Christian drug rehabilitation center, we look at the power of scripture and Christian prayer in recovery to help you through the good times and the bad.

Hope

Recovery from addiction can be a trying time. There may be days when you feel like giving up and caving into your cravings, but one of the benefits of praying in addiction recovery is that it can give you hope. When you are feeling weak or struggling, “Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength” (Nehemiah 8:10). Praying can also remind you that you are never alone in your recovery journey and give you hope for a better future.

Improved Mental Health

Drugs and alcohol can have a major impact on a person’s mental health. Fortunately, prayer also addresses these issues. Some research suggests that regularly praying can lead to mental health benefits. In some cases, prayer has been found to reduce anger, feelings of aggression, anxiety, and depression. ^1,2 Prayer can offer some relief for someone in early recovery who may be experiencing these emotions frequently as they adjust to a new lifestyle.

Self-Reflection

Another advantage of prayer for addiction recovery is its promotion of daily self-reflection. We see this often in clients who recently completed one of our faith-based addiction recovery programs and are new to recovery. These individuals are often still trying to figure out how to navigate their sobriety.

Life can be overwhelming, drug triggers can be everywhere, and there are both good and bad days. However, prayer in recovery allows people to properly manage these distractions and get through difficult moments. As it says in 1 Corinthians 10:13, “No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it.” This moment of pause can help individuals in recovery better recognize their emotions and responses to distractions, as well as learn how to react better in the future.

Routine

Many people in recovery benefit from having a set routine in place. In fact, this is something we recommend to all patients in our Christian-based recovery programs. A schedule keeps them going when they may otherwise get complacent with their sobriety. It also leaves less room for boredom.

One of the many benefits of praying every day in recovery is that it helps keep a routine. Whether you pray when you first wake up or right before bed, these few minutes of prayer can help you get back into your routine when you may have otherwise started to stay away from the healthy routine you originally created.

Physical Health Benefits

There may also be some physical health benefits of prayer for sobriety. Research has found correlations between positive religious coping, like praying, among hospitalized patients with improvements in physical health.3 For people in recovery whose bodies are still healing from the damaging effects of drugs and alcohol, praying may help them remain patient, hopeful, and consistent through this process.

Better Self Control

One of the most important benefits of prayer for addiction recovery is its association with better self-control.4 Studies have found that people assigned to pray on a daily basis were found to have better self-control over their drinking habits and drink considerably less than the control group.5 This increased sense of self-control can further reduce the risk of relapse.

Prayer for the Addicted & Recovery

While most substance abuse treatment programs address the physical damage of drug or alcohol abuse, the person’s spiritual state may be put on the back burner. At our residential Christian-based rehab, we believe that prayer is an important part of the recovery journey.

Below are some prayers and Bible verses for addiction recovery that may offer you or a loved one some much-needed support.

Faith: An Overlooked Tool in Substance Abuse Prevention and Recovery

There are 20 million Americans afflicted with a substance use disorder (SUD). And tragically, each year, nearly 160,000 die from alcohol or drug-related deaths. However, as we head further into the 30th annual National Recovery Month, one of the most effective tools to prevent and/or recover from addiction is often overlooked—faith. And when it comes to prevention, particularly among youth, faith is a driving force, according to a new report I co-authored with my daughter, Melissa, which was published in the Journal of Religion and Health. The report is the second commissioned by the interdenominational initiative, Faith Counts to examine the socio-economic contribution of religion to America.

Unfortunately, most Americans will find this surprising. In the latest Gallup survey, only 46% of Americans think that religion can answer today’s problems, but the reality is that religion provides answers for one of today’s biggest problems—addiction. Part of the misperception revealed in the poll is that fewer people are affiliated with religion today, resulting in less experience with faith and its positive impacts.

So, what are the positive impacts of religion on substance abuse/addiction that are outlined in the new study?

Overwhelmingly, research shows that youth who are spiritually active, participate in a faith community, and invest in a prayerful relationship with their God are less likely to use or abuse drugs and alcohol. By contrast, teens who do not consider religious belief important are almost three times more likely to smoke, five times more likely to binge on alcohol, and almost eight times more likely to use marijuana compared with the teens who strongly appreciated the significance of religion in their daily lives. And compared with the teens who attended religious services at least weekly, the teens who never attended services were twice more likely to drink, over twice more likely to smoke, over three times more likely to use marijuana or binge on alcohol, and four times more likely to use illicit drugs.

A host of empirical studies also reveal that faith among adolescents and young adults can act as a powerful deterrent against drug and alcohol abuse, even when controlling for other contributory factors (e.g., depression). Higher degrees of religiosity among youth, including religious attendance, involvement, and reliance on religious beliefs in decision-making, are associated with several benefits, such as limited depression and negative attitudes toward substance abuse. Adolescents who frequently attend religious services, who are involved in faith-based activities, and who place a high value on spirituality exhibit greater resilience when facing the stressors that can lead to the formative use of drugs and alcohol as a coping mechanism.

Studies also show that high school students’ attendance in religious services and their incorporation of prayer into their everyday lives can equip them with vital spiritual and moral guidance that will decrease their inclinations for drugs and alcohol when stressors arise.

The evidence on the association between religious involvement and/or religiosity and reduced risk of substance use among adolescents is overwhelming. Teens who attend religious services weekly are less likely to smoke, drink, use marijuana or other illicit drugs (e.g., LSD, cocaine, and heroin) than those who attend religious services less frequently. Further, religious practice among teens discourages them from taking highly dangerous drugs. For example, people who attended religious services at least weekly in childhood and adolescence were 33% less likely to use illegal drugs.

Adolescents also benefit from their mothers’ higher levels of religious practice, controlling for factors that also influence the level of drinking (e.g., the adolescents’ peer associations). Higher teenage religiosity is also related to other factors related to a decrease in drug use, such as good family relations, high academic performance in school, having anti-drug attitudes, and socializing with friends who do not take drugs. Moreover, teens themselves tend to cite their peers’ religious and spiritual inclinations as reasons that discourage their peers from drinking and taking drugs.

Our study concludes that the decline in religious affiliation presents a growing national health concern because the growth of disaffiliation is concentrated among Millennials and young adults, who are also the highest percentage of any age group to have a substance abuse disorder. In a sense, the antidote is being rejected by the very people who need it most.source source source

The Health Benefits of Being Sober

The Importance of Being Trustworthy

Why Is Hope Important In Life? You Will Be Amazed!

The Freedom of Forgiveness

Why Is Faith Important in Recovery?

This is certainly how I used to think.

It was only after I discovered how much freedom comes from forgiving another person that I discovered the deeper spiritual reasons for Jesus challenging us to forgive others in the same way that we desire to be forgiven by Him.

Think about it. If you are angry with someone, the thought of what they have done to hurt you can have the power to ruin your day every single time you think about them or the event that hurt you. As you think about them, or the hurt they caused you, your entire heart and soul can turn bitter and be consumed with rage. It does not matter what you are doing when you think about this hurt. It can be a beautiful day, you can be with friends and family; and yet the thought of what they did to hurt you can ruin everything.

At the same time, while the thought of what another person did to hurt you can ruin your day, the person who hurt you may not even know that you are mad at them. While you are angry at them, the person who hurt you may be out having a great day. They are not even thinking about you. They may not even care that you are angry with them. In fact, the thought of their happiness might even contribute to you becoming angrier.

In reality, when I remain angry at someone, I am choosing to allow them to continue to have power over me. I am giving permission for the event which took place a month, or a year, or even twenty years ago, to continue to have power over me and my heart. As the first reading from the book of Sirach alludes to this Sunday, we can all have the tendency to “hold on to” vengeance and wrath. By holding on to vengeance and wrath, the person or event that hurt us and made us angry is given power over our hearts in the present moment and we allow it to continue to exercise a destructive power over our lives and happiness.

When we forgive someone, we are setting ourselves free. Forgiving someone who has hurt us is the biggest favour that we can extend to ourselves. By doing this, we are saying that we will no longer allow this event, pain, or person to have the power to take our happiness and destroy our peace of mind. Forgiveness opens our own hearts to receive the love which Christ offers us in our relationship with Himself and others.

Forgiveness should not be mistaken as giving someone permission to hurt us again or turning a blind eye to the past. If a person is going to continue to hurt us or take advantage of us, we should avoid them or learn to have healthy and lifegiving relationships. Forgiveness is not about letting a person continue to do wrong or harm us. Forgiveness is about releasing our hearts from the toxic effects of their past behavior. It is about refusing to allow an event or person to destroy our ability to be at peace and to love God and neighbour freely.

Personally, I am convinced that the reason why Jesus asks us to forgive is so that our own hearts might be free to welcome Him and to love Him and our neighbour in a joyful and lifegiving manner. It is difficult for us to allow Christ to dwell in our hearts and to know His peace, or even to really love others, when we are consumed with vengeance or anger towards another. This is one of the reasons why the sign of peace takes place immediately before we receive the Eucharist. In order for Christ to dwell in our hearts, our hearts must be free of anger or resentment. St. John of the Cross emphasizes this in his writings as he states that the infinite God cannot dwell in a heart that is cluttered with envy, hatred and the desire for vengeance. However, to a finite heart that has been emptied of these, the infinite God is capable of dwelling and bringing infinite joy.

The reality that a heart that cannot forgive is closed to God’s forgiveness and love is a point that Jesus is making in this Sunday’s Gospel.

In the Gospel, Peter asks Jesus how many times he must forgive a brother or sister who has sinned against him. Peter suggests that seven times might be the limit. However, Jesus says not seven, but seven times seven is how many times a person must be forgiven. As seven is a biblical number that symbolizes completeness, this seven times seven represents as many times as is necessary. But as the parable goes on to show, the reason for forgiving as many times as is necessary, is not in order that we might do the other person a favour. The reason for forgiving is so that our own hearts may be open to receive the forgiveness that God offers us.

In the parable, a servant comes to his master and asks to be forgiven a great deal. The master hears his pleas and forgives the debt. Yet, as the servant leaves the presence of his master, he encounters another person who owes him much less than he has been forgiven. His heart has not been open to comprehend what his master has done for him, and out of envy for what is owed him, he demands that his fellow servant pay him the much smaller debt that he is owed. As a result, Jesus tells us, the man did not receive the greater forgiveness that he had been offered.

This parable calls you and I to understand how much God has done for each of us by sending His Son into the world to redeem us and forgive our sins. God is pure love and mercy. Everything that we have is a gift from Him. On top of giving us life, and all that we have and are, God has also offered us salvation and redemption through the life, death and resurrection of His Son, Jesus. Thanksgiving is the only response that we can have to God’s love for us. From the freedom that God’s forgiveness has won for us, we are called to have the freedom to forgive others. The real challenge that comes with accepting God’s forgiveness and love for us is that it is impossible to really receive it if we hold on to vengeance and resentment towards another. As St. John of the Cross writes, the infinite love and mercy of God cannot enter a heart that is cluttered with envy, pride, resentment and hatred. In order for God’s love and mercy to enter our hearts, we must clear out those things which are not compatible.

For the Christian to possess the peace, joy and forgiveness that Christ has come to offer us, forgiveness of those who have hurt and offended us is not an option. Forgiveness is how we let go of those things, persons and events which are obstacles to Christ dwelling in our hearts and offering us His peace. When we forgive another, we are refusing to allow them to have power over us and inviting Christ and His freedom to have power over us. Forgiveness is something we offer to another person so that we can be free and the love of Christ may dwell in our hearts.

So strongly does Jesus desire that our hearts be free to receive His love and peace that He asks us to pray every day that we might be able to forgive others and receive His forgiveness and peace. This is why in the “Our Father,” Jesus has taught us to pray: “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.” In this sentence, the word “as” has the significance of forgive us “in the same way” that we forgive others. As the parable is attempting to tell us, unless we let go of the anger and hatred in our hearts, our hearts cannot receive the love and peace that Christ desires them to know through also knowing His forgiveness.

It is because Jesus knows that forgiving someone who has hurt is not easy that He has asked us to pray to be able to forgive every day in the “Our Father.” And yet, while forgiving someone who has hurt us can be difficult, there is nothing more freeing then letting go of the hatred and vengeance that can hold us hostage when they bind us. When we finally learn how to let go of anger and resentment, it can be like escaping from a prison in which we have condemned ourselves. When we forgive someone, we free ourselves from the power that they or a past event have exercised over us. We claim the peace that Jesus desires us to know and free ourselves to be happy again.

Jesus has come that all of us might know His peace and love. Christ has died to free us from the power of the sins that bind us. By calling us to forgive others, Jesus is calling us to be free not only from our own sins, but from the harm that the sins of others have exerted upon us. Forgiving another person is the most wonderful favour we can grant unto ourselves. By doing so, we release ourselves from the power they exercise over us and become free to allow Christ to fill our hearts with a joy that only He can give us. The servant who was forgiven much was too foolish to forgive and thus was unable to enjoy the forgiveness that was offered to him. May none of us be so foolish to turn down what is offered to us in the forgiveness of Christ, by refusing to offer it to others.

May we pray, each and every day: “Dear Jesus, most loving and merciful Savior, forgive us our sins, as we forgive those who sin against us.”

Fr. Michael McGourty,

What Are The Benefits Of Forgiveness?

What is forgiveness and why is it important? What are the benefits of forgiveness? Why should we forgive someone for something that hurt us deeply? Does forgiveness mean that you fall right back into a trap you just got out of?

Have you ever asked yourself any of those questions? Forgiveness can be a touchy topic, but it is an important one. It can be uncomfortable to talk about forgiveness because it usually means revisiting things that you would rather leave forgotten, especially if it’s rooted around a traumatic event in your life.

What is forgiveness in simple words?

When we look at the benefits of something, it’s a good idea to start with the definition first. That way we know we are on the same page. The definition of forgive is “to cease to feel resentment against (an offender)”

In plain language, the meaning of forgiveness is that you stop feeling resentful towards someone. You can easily see how this carries huge benefits of forgiveness for the person that’s forgiving!

I once heard it described by my former pastor with this story: He was down in the woods and was cutting some trees, and doing some clearing work. The chainsaw slipped and instead of cutting wood, he cut deeply into his leg. He was able to get out and get help, but till the day he died, he had a scar on his leg from the accident.

“Forgiveness is like that,” he told us. “It hurt a lot at the time. But now all that’s left is a scar and it don’t hurt no more. I still remember it, but it doesn’t hurt.”

Why are the benefits of forgiveness so powerful?

Forgiveness sets us free. It lifts an invisible load off our shoulders. That is, perhaps, the most powerful benefit of forgiveness. When someone hurts us deeply, our first reaction is to often lash back at them. Bitterness and grudges are a way that we try to do that. The problem is that those grudges and that bitterness don’t hurt the person who wronged us. They hurt us, slowly poisoning our thoughts, feelings, and other relationships.

Grudges and bitterness poison our hearts. Forgiveness is the antidote.

Can the benefits of forgiveness include physical healing?

It’s no accident that sites such as Berkley, Mayo Clinic, Harvard Health, Healthline, Mind Body Green, and John Hopkins Medicine all have articles on forgiveness. From a scientific perspective, some health benefits of forgiveness are:

• Lowering the risk of heart attack
• Lowering blood pressure
• reducing stress
• improving cholesterol levels
• reducing pain
• reducing levels of anxiety, depression and stress

How does forgiveness heal?

In my own opinion, forgiveness heals because it is of God.

An undeniable connection exists between our brains and our bodies. Science has not completely unlocked all of its mysteries. We do know that there is a connection between certain brain chemicals and our emotions. Many of these have to do with our stress responses.

There have been some scientific studies starting in the 1980s that try to figure out exactly how forgiveness heals and explore some of the benefits of forgiveness. It’s even mentioned in “The Handbook for Positive Psychology” put out in 2002 by the Oxford press. I have not found exactly how forgiveness heals from a scientific standpoint.

But if you have ever struggled with forgiving a deep hurt, and then succeeded, you have felt in your heart how a weight is lifted off you. Sometimes the “how” is not as important as just knowing and feeling that it does.

What is true forgiveness?

Forgiveness is learning from your mistakes but letting go of the guilt that holds you back. That’s a huge benefit of forgiveness! However, true forgiveness does not mean there will be reconciliation and you will make up with whoever hurt you.

True forgiveness is dealing with the consequences of what happened to you, taking the lesson, and moving on. It’s releasing the pent-up anger and bitterness so that it doesn’t poison your good relationships.

True forgiveness is a scar of something that once hurt, but doesn’t give you pain any more. You have let it go and moved on, but kept the lesson.

How can I practice forgiveness?

The first step in forgiving is mostly a decision. Then comes the hard part – sorting out the emotions. Be patient with yourself on this part. It will take your heart time to heal. If the steps explained below are not enough, I have listed some additional resources on the benefits of forgiveness and the steps to do so at the very bottom of this post. forgiveness is hard, but the benefits of forgiveness make it worth the effort!

1. Decide to forgive the person.

This is the easiest step in the whole process to me because it’s intellectual. You decide that you are going to forgive someone that wronged you. This does not mean that you have to reconcile with the other person. It means that you decide to not hold hate and bitterness in your heart.

Or this person that you need to forgive might even be yourself. If that’s the case, then yes, you do have to live with yourself and reconcile. No getting around that if it’s you. We are often very hard on ourselves through our inner critics.

Related: The Best Advice for Silencing The Inner Critic

2. Think about the person that you have decided to forgive.

I know, this step is hard and often stirs up strong feelings. Pain, anger, resentment, bitterness, helplessness, and any number of other emotions. You just ripped the bandaid off an old wound. All that hurt, pain, anger, resentment, and bitterness – that’s what needs to heal.

3. Acknowledge You Feelings

All too often we make the mistake of trying not to feel anything, or stuffing negative emotions away. We just sweep them under a figurative rug and hope they will go away. That may work for a time, but at some point, someone will unknowingly lift that rug up or bump it and they will all come flooding out.

It’s ok to feel sad, angry, etc. As my mom used to tell me “Feelings are ok. Some actions are not.” Acknowledge them and bundle them up, because in the next step we’re about to take them all up to someone that can handle them better than we can.

Related: How to Avoid Overthinking

How to Stop Taking Things Personally

How to Respond and Not React When You Get Mad

4. Pray

This is a step that you will not find in any scientific mental health guide to forgiveness, but I believe it is a vital step. God forgives his children of their sins, so we should forgive others. He is the Great Physician. There is no one better to fix your broken heart than the one that made you in the first place. He knows your hurt, your anger, your bitterness, and your tears. He knows the anguish of your heart. Give all that to Him. Ask Him to help you forgive.

Say to yourself or to God “I forgive….”

(Perhaps another benefit of forgiveness is that it will bring you closer to God. Forgiveness is a hard thing. You will be praying about it many times as you go through this process.)

5. Empathize and Reflect

After you have said that you forgive someone, this is where the process part comes in. Just as it takes time for a physical wound to heal, it also takes time for emotional wounds to heal. By saying that you forgive someone and working on those feelings you have started a process that may take some time.

Think about the situation with empathy or sympathy. Reflect on what you have learned or how the experience has strengthened you. The person might have been acting out of their own fear or likely dealing with their own issues. How people treat other people is largely a reflection of how they feel about themselves.

Why is forgiveness so hard?

Forgiveness is hard because it involves dealing with very strong emotions. It doesn’t make any sense in the natural world. Forgiveness is a way that we show God’s love in us.

That unconditional love business sounds easy on paper, but sometimes it’s hard to put into practice! Remember a time when it was you on the other end, though. Was there ever a time that you messed up and needed forgiveness?

Is forgiveness an action?

Yes. Forgiveness is an action. It’s not one that can be seen, only felt in your own heart. You forgive for yourself because that’s the one that’s really hurting when you don’t. It frees you. It’s not an action that can be readily seen, but it is an action, nonetheless.

Is reconciliation always a benefit of forgiveness?

No, forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation. The two are often associated with one another but they are different. Forgiveness means that no longer let feelings of bitterness and hurt chain your heart and hold you captive. Reconciliation means that you make up with the other person.

Reconciliation can be a benefit of forgiveness, but it’s not guaranteed. It’s great when you can reconcile, and it’s the ideal situation. But we know that life does not always hand us the ideal situation.

Does forgiveness mean no consequences?

There are always consequences for choices. Forgiveness does not mean that we go right back to the person that hurt us and let them do the same thing again. We still need to take the lesson.

My personal story with forgiveness:

In college, I thought one of my roommates was my best friend. I later realized that she used me and manipulated me to get me to do things for her. It came out that she was a pathological liar (her description) and that she had always had a problem with it. I felt betrayed and deeply hurt.

I prayed about it – a lot. Then, I went through all the steps of forgiveness I listed above and asked God if I should stay roommates with her or if I should go. Three different people came to me in the next few days seemingly out of the blue and told me to get out. Staying would not have helped either of us.

There were Still Consequences

I separated myself from her. She found a new roommate and moved out. I went by her new room and bumped into her and asked how she was doing. She was doing to the new roommate the same thing that she did to me. Taking her into confidence, telling her she was her best friend. Doing things and going places with her.

At that point, I was willing to still be friends with her. Until she lied to me again for no good reason. This time, I knew it was a lie. I could see it more clearly. What also became clear to me was that she was going to keep lying to me no matter what.

She was one of the first toxic people I had to cut out of my life. It hurt, but it would have hurt both of us more to stay. She needed to learn not to take advantage of people’s trust. And that there were consequences for her actions.

The experience helped us both

Years later, she found me on social media and sent me a private message. She told me that when I had left it had been a defining moment in her life and that had taught her a valuable lesson. She thanked me for that and told me that even if were never friends again, she wanted me to know I had made a difference in her life.

Walking away was painful because giving up on people does not come easy, but if my walking away helped her to have better trusting relationships with others, then it was worth it. In this case, there were benefits of forgiveness for both of us.

Was it really forgiveness since I walked away?

You might be asking if I forgave her, then why did I walk away? Was that really forgiveness?

I do forgive her and hold no ill will towards her. When I heard that she was married and became a teacher, I rejoiced for her. She went wild caving with her husband once. She always did have a sense of adventure and a smile on her face.

I no longer cry as I think about what happened. Just like my pastor that had the chainsaw accident, the scar on my heart is still there, but it doesn’t hurt anymore. In many ways, I am grateful to her for teaching me some life lessons that I desperately needed to learn.

Some huge benefits of forgiveness for me include being able to smile when I think of her and being able to remember the good times, her good qualities, and sometimes her quirky sayings. (She hated getting up early. She would often refer to the “butt crack of dawn.”)

Bible Verses about Forgiveness

One of the benefits of forgiveness that I did not list above is that it makes for some beautiful and heartfelt reading in the Bible. Here are a few verses to get you started. All verses are from the KJV.

• “And be ye kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiven one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you.” – Eph. 4:32
• “Put on therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, bowels of mercies, kindness, humbleness of mind, meekness, longsuffering; Forbearing one another and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any, even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye. And above all these things, put on charity, which is the bond of perfectness.” Col 3: 12-14
• “Then came Peter to him, and said, Lord, how oft shall my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? till seven times? Jesus said unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times; but, Until seventy times seven.” Matt 18:21-22
• “To whom ye forgive any thing, I forgive also; for if I forgave any thing to whom I forgave it, for your sakes forgave I it in the person of Christ; Lest Satan should get an advantage of us: for we are not ignorant of his devices.” – II Cor 2:10-11
• “I write unto you, little children, because your sins are forgiven you for his name’s sake.” – I John 2:12
• “But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.” – Matthew 6:15 (KJV)
• “If thou, Lord, shouldest mark iniquities, O Lord, who shall stand? But there is forgiveness with thee, that thou mayest be feared.” -Psalms 130:3-4
• Forgiveness is to pardon people for their offenses. In other words, you let go when people wrong you. Beloved, the benefit of this attitude is that your heart becomes the heart of love that God can flow through to accomplish His purpose. It also opens the opportunity for you to be blessed by God. On the other hand, unforgiveness hinders the power of God to also forgive you, and this prevents your prayers from being heard of the Father (Mark 11:25–26).
• Beloved, holding people’s offenses against them will lead to anger and bitterness. Anger and bitterness then become an open door for the enemy to impart sicknesses, failure, resentment, and disappointment into your life. Dear beloved, choose to forgive and stay healthy for the Lord. Remember that human beings are fallible, and you will also need others to forgive you when you step on their toes or offend them. Therefore, do not find it too strange when people wrong you. Develop the heart of forgiveness and easily forgive people their sin or wrong. Forgiveness is an aspect of love that covers a multitude of sins (1 Peter 4:8).

Having this kind of heart will draw God closer to you and use you to heal many hearts to enhance fellowship among the brethren in God’s kingdom. Praise the Lord! Be an overcomer!
Prayer Point: Dear heavenly Father, thank You for admonishing me about forgiveness. Please help me develop a forgiving heart so that I can find it very easy to let go when people wrong me. Let me not harbor pain or bitterness against anybody so that You can use me to strengthen fellowship among my brethren in Jesus’ name. Amen! source

The last word on why should we forgive those who hurt us and the benefits of forgiveness

There are many more benefits of forgiveness than what I am able to mention here. But for one, it helps us to live happier lives. It helps our current relationships to be more loving, and it sets our hearts free from shackles of bitterness and hurt. It helps reduce our stress level and has mental and physical health benefits. It’s also the right thing to do and part of living a good life.

It stops the victimhood mentality and helps us set a good example for when we are the ones that need to be forgiven. That’s all of us from time to time! forgiveness is an action, and it does not always mean reconciliation. It means that like a scar, it is the mark on our hearts of something that once hurt us, but no longer gives us pain.

My wonderful one, there is not an adult heart that will escape this life without a few scars. This life has many ups and downs, and lessons along the way. Let us learn and grow as we go. Do you have any advice for someone struggling to forgive or do you know some more benefits of forgiveness? Leave me a comment below! source

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