It’s commonly been said that hardships can change us for the better, and the same is certainly true for trauma. Healing from trauma, especially the psychological and emotional kind, can lead to a lot of positive growth, self-awareness, and increased resilience. But of course, it can also impact us in a lot of negative ways we may not even be aware of.

While the American Psychological Association (2013) defines trauma as life-threatening experiences, trauma is about more than just finding yourself in seriously dangerous life-or-death situations. It can also come from the experiences of loss or psychological and emotional abuse. The suicide of a loved one can also be considered as a traumatic event, as well as their neglect or abandonment, especially if it’s sudden. Simply put, a traumatic experience can refer to any situation that evokes an intense, overwhelming, and long-lasting sense of fear, anxiety, and stress.

And if left unresolved, this trauma can manifest in a lot of negative cognitive, behavioral, or even physiological ways. With that said, here are 7 signs that  you’re not a bad person, it’s your trauma:

1. You’re always looking for the first sign of trouble.

Has anyone ever told you that you’re too much of a negative thinker? Are you usually the first to give up when things get tough? Do you find it difficult to forgive and forget when someone else wrongs you? If you said yes to any of these things, don’t be so quick to blame yourself. These are actually all common responses to trauma. There are even studies that show how trauma makes it more difficult for us to be optimistic, because experience has taught us to always keep an eye out for the first sign of trouble (Bower & Sivers, 1998).

2. You have a hard time trusting others.

Similar to what we talked about earlier, a lot of trauma victims also struggle to trust and get close to others, even their loved ones. Trauma makes them more emotionally distant and closed off, and more suspicious of everyone’s motives and intentions. They tend to overthink and hyperfixate every little thing someone else says or does. Because of this, they also have a hard time asking for help from others or opening up to them about their true feelings  (Hansen, 2010).

3. You socially withdraw sometimes.

One of the most telltale warning signs that someone is still struggling with their trauma is if it starts to affect their interpersonal relationships and makes them socially withdraw at times (Amstadter & Vernon, 2008). Have you found yourself always declining invitations or canceling at the last minute? Do you never feel like spending time with your loved ones anymore  or keeping in touch with them? Would you rather just be by yourself doing nothing even though it doesn’t make you happy? Don’t beat yourself up for becoming more socially withdrawn and losing interest in our hobbies and relationships — it’s probably an unfortunate effect of your trauma.

4. You sabotage your own relationships.

Have you ever found yourself getting close to someone and growing to love them — be it romantically or platonically — only to find that it makes you feel scared, unsettled, or uncomfortable? Do you ever feel compelled to just run away or sabotage your own relationships, especially when things are going well? Although you may not be doing it consciously, you’ve likely internalized your past traumatic experiences (especially those that involve other people) so that you now have an expectation that every relationship of yours from now on is doomed to fail. That’s why you self-sabotage (Hansen, 2010).

5. You have unhealthy coping mechanisms.

When people are struggling mentally and emotionally and don’t know how to deal with it, it can be easy to feel overwhelmed and turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms instead. Some people start binge drinking and partying, while others turn to gambling or overspending. Others might oversleep to avoid their problems, or overeat to make themselves feel better. Some even resort to self-harm, self-neglect, or putting themselves in danger. Whatever the unhealthy coping mechanism might be, the bottom line is: it’s not you, it’s your trauma.

6. You’re emotionally repressed and distant.

Following a traumatic event, most people tend to feel vulnerable, afraid, ashamed, confused, violated, or even hopeless, so when we’re not ready to confront our feelings yet, we often end up burying them instead. But once you start, it can be hard to stop, especially when you haven’t fully dealt with or processed your trauma. So if you noticed you’ve become more emotionally repressed and distant ever since the trauma, this is probably why (Amstadter & Vernon, 2008).

7. You can’t control your emotions

Another sign that someone is still struggling with the emotional and mental fall out of their trauma is if they can’t control their emotions. The opposite to our earlier point, some people may feel too emotionally overwhelmed to turn off their feelings, and thus, they will often be angry, irritable, and have frequent mood swings and temper tantrums. They might cry a lot more than they used to, or develop a bad habit of taking their frustrations out on those around them. Either way, these are all clear signs of lingering psychological trauma (Amstadter & Vernon, 2008). So before you blame yourself, take the time to heal and understand first. Show yourself some compassion before you call yourself a bad person.

And if you relate to any of the things we’ve mentioned here and if you still have unhealed trauma that’s hurting you even now, please do not hesitate to reach out to a mental healthcare professional today and get help. source

References:

• American Psychological Association (2013). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th Ed). Washington, DC; APA Publishing.
• Bower, G. H., & Sivers, H. (1998). Cognitive impact of traumatic events. Development and psychopathology, 10(4), 625-653.
• Amstadter, A. B., & Vernon, L. L. (2008). Emotional reactions during and after trauma: A comparison of trauma types. Journal of Aggression, Maltreatment & Trauma, 16(4), 391-408.
• Hansen, D. E. (2010). Intimacy, loneliness, and social withdrawal as a result of emotional trauma. Journal of Behavioral Psychology, 19(22), 114-120.
• Herman, J. L. (1998). Recovery from psychological trauma. Psychiatry and Clinical Neurosciences, 52(S1), S98-S103.

Understanding the Dark Triad

What Is the Dark Triad?

The Dark Triad is a phrase you’re unlikely to have heard around the workplace, but it is one of the “buzzwords” in the world of psychology. It refers to three distinct but related personality traits: narcissism, Machiavellianism and psychopathy.

• Narcissism: narcissism comes from the Greek myth of Narcissus, a hunter who fell in love with his own reflection in a pool of water, and drowned. Narcissistic people can be selfish, boastful, arrogant, lacking in empathy, and hypersensitive to criticism.
• Machiavellianism: the word comes from the renowned 16th-century Italian politician and diplomat Niccolo Machiavelli. He earned notoriety when his 1513 book, “The Prince,” was interpreted as an endorsement of the dark arts of cunning and deceit in diplomacy. Traits associated with Machiavellianism include duplicity, manipulation, self-interest, and a lack of both emotion and morality.
• Psychopathy: personality traits associated with psychopathy include a lack of empathy or remorse, antisocial behavior, and being manipulative and volatile. It’s important to note that there is a distinction between psychopathic traits and being a psychopath, with its commonly held association with criminal violence.

Understanding Dark Traits

People with these traits tend to be callous and manipulative, willing to do or say practically anything to get their way. They have an inflated view of themselves and are often shameless about self-promotion. These individuals are likely to be impulsive and may engage in dangerous behavior—in some cases, even committing crimes—without any regard for how their actions affect others.

While many researchers consider psychopathy, narcissism, and Machiavellianism three distinct traits with overlapping characteristics, others believe the commonalities suggest an underlying personality construct that has yet to be fully understood.

How to Identify Dark Triad Traits

Traditionally, psychologists have identified Dark Triad traits by measuring different personality types separately.

However, in 2010, Dr Peter Jonason, then assistant professor of psychology at the University of Western Florida, and his co-author, Gregory Webster, assistant professor of psychology at the University of Florida, developed the “Dirty Dozen” rating scale, or a 12-item methodology, to measure Dark Triad traits. [1]

Jonason and Webster’s measure asks people to rate themselves against these questions:

• I tend to manipulate others to get my way. LIES IN COURT AND ON POLICE REPORTS
• I have used deceit or lied to get my way. MANIPULATES AND LIES IN COURT AND ON POLICE REPORTS
• I have used flattery to get my way. IS POLITE TO JUDGE WHILE LYING TO HIS FACE
• I tend to exploit others towards my own end. IS POLITE TO JUDGE WHILE LYING TO HIS FACE / MANIPULATES AND LIES IN COURT AND ON POLICE REPORTS 
• I tend to lack remorse. DEFAMES A MAN’S CHARACTER IN OPEN COURT WITH LIES OF PUTTING A GUN TO THE MANS SON’S HEAD! HIDES HIS CLIENTS PERJURY AND PERJURES HIMSELF DOING SO, WHILE SINGLE HANDEDLY HELPING TO INCRIMINALTE A FATHER IN BOTH FAMILY COURT AND CRIMINAL COURT TO HARM A FATHER SON RELATIONSHIP. HE DID THIS WITH LIES AND MIS TRUTHS! TRUE Machiavellianism 
• I tend to not be too concerned with morality or the morality of my actions. DEFAMES A MAN’S CHARACTER IN OPEN COURT WITH LIES OF PUTTING A GUN TO THE MANS SON’S HEAD! HIDES HIS CLIENTS PERJURY AND PERJURES HIMSELF DOING SO, WHILE SINGLE HANDEDLY HELPING TO INCRIMINALTE A FATHER IN BOTH FAMILY COURT AND CRIMINAL COURT TO HARM A FATHER SON RELATIONSHIP. HE DID THIS WITH LIES AND MIS TRUTHS! TRUE Machiavellianism 
• I tend to be callous or insensitive. DEFAMES A MAN’S CHARACTER IN OPEN COURT WITH LIES OF PUTTING A GUN TO THE MANS SON’S HEAD! HIDES HIS CLIENTS PERJURY AND PERJURES HIMSELF DOING SO, WHILE SINGLE HANDEDLY HELPING TO INCRIMINALTE A FATHER IN BOTH FAMILY COURT AND CRIMINAL COURT TO HARM A FATHER SON RELATIONSHIP. HE DID THIS WITH LIES AND MIS TRUTHS! TRUE Machiavellianism 
• I tend to be cynical. DEFAMES A MAN’S CHARACTER IN OPEN COURT WITH LIES OF PUTTING A GUN TO THE MANS SON’S HEAD! HIDES HIS CLIENTS PERJURY AND PERJURES HIMSELF DOING SO, WHILE SINGLE HANDEDLY HELPING TO INCRIMINALTE A FATHER IN BOTH FAMILY COURT AND CRIMINAL COURT TO HARM A FATHER SON RELATIONSHIP. HE DID THIS WITH LIES AND MIS TRUTHS! TRUE Machiavellianism  BUT WHEN I SO MUCH AS MENTION HIS ACTIONS OR TELL THE TRUTH IN A GOOGLE REVIEW HE GETS ALL MAD!
• I tend to want others to admire me. HE LOVES GETTING THE COURT TO LOOK RESPECTFUL AT HIM EVEN AS HE LIES THROUGH HIS TEETH. HE POKES AND PRODS ME IN OPEN COURT WITH LIES AGAINST MY CHARACTER AND FATHERHOOD, WHEN I REACT TO THIS HE THEN POINTS TO THE JUDGE MY ANGER AND GETS MORE BROWNIE POINTS FOR POINTING ME OUT AS THE SO CALLED VILLAN
• I tend to want others to pay attention to me. HE LOVES GETTING THE COURT TO LOOK RESPECTFUL AT HIM EVEN AS HE LIES THROUGH HIS TEETH. HE POKES AND PRODS ME IN OPEN COURT WITH LIES AGAINST MY CHARACTER AND FATHERHOOD, WHEN I REACT TO THIS HE THEN POINTS TO THE JUDGE MY ANGER AND GETS MORE BROWNIE POINTS FOR POINTING ME OUT AS THE SO CALLED VILLAN
• I tend to seek prestige or status. HE BECAME A LAWYER FOR THE STATUS POWER AND PRISTIGE THAT NARCISTIC MACHIAVELLIANIST PSYCHOPATHS NEED TO FEEL IMPORTANT, INSTEAD OF JUST BEING A FAIR AND CIVIC MINDER MEMEBER OF SOCIETY AND TELLING THE TRUTH IN ALL YOUR DEALINGS
• I tend to expect special favors from others. WHEN HE LIES WELL AND I CATCH HIM IN OPEN COURT WITH LICENSED DETECTIVES HE CAUSED A SMOKE SCREEN ON 2 SEPERATE COURT DATES TO POKE AND PROD ME TO ANGER THAN WORK HIS WAY AROUND THE EVIDANCE BY SIDE-TRACTING THE JUDGE AWAY FROM THE TASK AT HAND AND ONTO SCOLDING ME, THEN HE REFOCUSES THE JUDGE OFF THE CUSTODY HEARING, WHICH IS WHY THE CASE IS BEFORE THE JUDGE TO BEGIN WITH, AND ONTO DVRO he is explosive your honor he states see! THEN HE SECURES HIS WISHES GET SPECIAL TREATMENT AND LOSES THE FOCUS OF THE COURTS COMPLETELY AND LAUGHS AND SNEERS AT ME AFTER! 

Reproduced with permission of Dr P.K. Jonason, senior lecturer University of Western Sydney.

At its basic level, an individual would be rated from, for example, one to seven on each of the 12 tests, giving a possible score of 12 to 84. The higher the score, the higher the probability of having Dark Triad tendencies.